Tag Archives: fun

Slipping

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I’ve been off, lately. You wouldn’t say, if you didn’t know me. No one really noticed much.

At school, I’m as good as ever, even more sociable than before. I have good grades, I have friends, I have teachers who like me. I do my work, I answer, I read. But I don’t feel it there anymore.

Out, I am fun to hang around it. I hear it often, because my girlfriends call me every weekend. I’m the one they like to get drunk with. I am the one they want to go out to dance with, because when I go out, I’m almost the old me again. I shout a little too loud, I’m excited a bit too much, I take way too many pictures and I laugh with all my heart. I sing along to the music, but this time around, I look at my best friend with a smile playing on my mouth and pain in my eyes. She knows. She understands. This time, the lyrics break my heart, little by little, while I try to keep dancing to the beat. It’s all fun, because it goes away for a few hours, that annoying feeling in my chest. I’m excited again, about nothing in particular, but I am. And yet… I don’t feel it there anymore.

At home, my mom got the hang of it. I am writing again and being silent again. I write and read and write and read and do homework due for the next semester till late hours in the night. I draw mindlessly, constantly listening to a band she knows too well. I smile and I sit next to her when she watches her series and I hope she doesn’t notice. But tonight she told me I should live in the present and I understood she understood. It’s the words I can’t pay attention to anymore, it’s the lingering, the staring, the waiting, the nervousness, the always talking about the same subject, the nonchalance I play so badly. It’s the constant going out, the nervous eating, the always finding something to do. The constant talking about the future or about the past, as if I’m living there.

And yet, I still count days and hope for a brighter moment in the here and now.

 

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When life’s a pretty funny irony

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When life’s a pretty funny irony

Okay, one thing’s for sure.

We’ve been arguing since.. forever about His form, His authenticity, His existence. We all have our own beliefs and mine are very strong. I know deep inside, and I’ve always believed that there is something out there, because I’ve reached out and have been helped. Every time. I’ve asked for signs and I’ve received them, only because I’ve been searching for meanings in everything that happens to me. Maybe it’s my hope that I believe in, it doesn’t matter. It keeps me moving, it keeps me dreaming, it keeps me sane and working. Mostly it just makes me happy. It makes me be kinder to those around me and more appreciative of their general existence ( even if sometimes I can’t help being annoyed with the world). It’s my own way of doing things and I have the right to have that.

But, we have to give Him one thing, whatever He, She, It is; be it a force, a deity, some kind of angel, It has a sense of humour. I don’t care if you believe only in the mere existence of the universe; then the universe has a sense of humour. I mean, how could It not? Even if sometimes it’s kind of a twisted one… . Have you ever begged in all seriousness only to be rewarded with a laugh-out-loud experience? You surely have, even if you didn’t notice. Try that: put your iPod on shuffle and the first song that comes on describes your next summer. Funnily crazy, right? It almost fits?  WHO does that, really? Have you ever noticed the paradoxes that surround us, the dreams that we achieve, only to realise they were never meant to make us happy, the perfect synchronising of a song when you think about someone, the meeting with that person you would have done everything to avoid? If that’s not a stunning sense of humour, I don’t know what it is. Frankly, I’d do it to if I could have, you know, absolute and unlimited power over every living thing. I’d mess them up, too.

 

 

Some thoughts..

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If there’s anything I’ve learned in my few years of life is not to be afraid of who I am. There are so few people that can really speak their mind nowadays, mostly because they are embarrassed and that is simply wrong. 

I was very shy as a child. I used to hide under the table when guests came over and pretend I was invisible, because I didn’t want to talk to them. I am shy now, as well, which is very often perceived by people as arrogance. I am not a people person, mainly because I enjoy being on my own, I like to lose time inside my own mind ( which, frankly, more people should do) and I find social chatting exhausting. However I do get lonely, and that is what my few friends are for. I will only make the first move if a person really interests me, otherwise I’m pretty quiet. My mother always told me that this is not a bad thing and I should embrace who I am, what I am, because if I don’t get myself, no one ever will, and I know she is never wrong. She goes as far as to be proud of having a rather ‘strange’ (as she puts it) kid.

I think it is important to take some time for yourself, too. Call it meditation, or thinking, or however you want, but being on your own, just discovering yourself can be extremely fascinating. There is so much that you don’t know about who you are, things that are so interesting to find out, that you should know. Just as you leave some time to meet your friends for a coffee, put some time aside to meet with your own thoughts. Wander around your mind, read books that change your perspective on the world, listen to music, analyze your dreams, do things that make you happy.There’s only one you in this entire universe, and if you don’t think that is spectacular, you are so wrong.

Because, if there’s one thing I learned is to appreciate my own self and accept and appreciate the diversity of people around me. Surround myself with other types of people, people that will challenge me, help me grow and people that will bring out the best in me. That is the only way to find happiness, in the friends that laugh with you and in your own infinite mind. 

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21 Days to go

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Taking advantage of my last sips of the delicious Caramel Machiatto I decided to write a bit. I just came back from doing some shopping for St. Nicholas. I bought lots and lots of sweets, tea cups and warm socks for my parents and for my grandmother. I’m very excited about this Christmas. Actually, no, I’m excited about Christmas in general, to be honest. I know, I know, it’s “over commercialized” and so on. I’ve heard this side of the story, too, because one my friends is a very cynical soul ( so am I in general, up to a point ). 

i just can’t help it, that warm feeling inside once December starts. I love everything about it. I get so excited when the first Coca-Cola commercial with Santa comes up in the cinemas, or when Starbucks change their cups to red. I love listening to carols on the radio, all of them! ( Last Christmas was once my favourite song, so yeah…). I enjoy the slight taste of cinnamon in every food and I actually always wanted to have one of those ridiculous red-reindeer jumpers. I can’t wait to walk with my best friend around the shops and buy all kinds of stupid things for the relatives or help her choose a gift for her mum. Or, walking under the lights in city centre, taking pictures. What about those cute Christmas-markets, where they sell mulled wine and ginger bread?

 I mean, how can anyone really hate Christmas?

I agree that the world doesn’t get better for a month, that people don’t change just because they see some lights on the streets and drink more hot chocolate. But it does send a positive message, to spread joy, make people smile. It should be more about that than about buying huge presents, I agree. And, like it or not, I actually think it brings a bit of warmth in this cold months.

 

 My favourite seasonal songs (that you probably never even heard) to cheer up all the grumpy cats out there:

Before I’m 17

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I have no idea where my sweet sixteen year has gone. I think I mostly slept through it, which wouldn’t be unlike me.
However, here I am, the last day of being 16 ever. Creepy.
I don’t really care about ‘getting older’ at this moment, because in the morning I know I won’t feel any different. I’m just in for the cake.
But I am proud of this year. I made fabulous friends, I finally, finally went to a French course, I improved my piano playing, I read the whole SH collection ( give me some credit, it was pretty huge ), I discovered Hannibal, I even learned how to make a Caesar salad – not from Hannibal the cannibal, though.
There are things I didn’t get to do, of course, but there’s a lot of time ahead. A lot of days and hours and minutes ready to be filled with fantastic stuff ( like sleeping).
So come on, 17, let’s see what you’ve got.

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I’ll be a princess when I grow up

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I think I have finally succeeded to convince my mother that I am a bit out of my mind.
We were having the everlasting discussion: what job would you like to have?
What’s the point in thinking about it yet? I’m not sure. Of course, if I say I want to be a writer, my dad and mom start laughing.
One option is English teacher… But… Meh.
Then I’d like to be an architect. But again, I think it’s hard to find a job you love afterwards.
Absolutely no to journalism, from both of my parents. And i am left with the family travel agency. The third option.
But I’m not sure, because I shouldn’t have to chose now. There’s still plenty of time, right?
So, yesterday, faced with the classic question I told my mom my secret plan. I will become a princess. It’s very simple. I will marry Harry ( I mean, he is adorable ) and become princess or some kind of Dutchess. And Kate will be my best friend. Doesn’t it sound perfect? I blabbed about this for about 20 minutes, and finally my parents dropped the question. Instead they smiled at me, comforting. I am not crazy. I swear. My plan is very logical and easy to do.

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Happiness

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I was so deceived today to walk past the central square and realize that the Christmas market is closed. It’s obvious that is was closed, I just… Expected it to still be there. I’m very bad at saying goodbye to Christmas. Even undoing the tree, it gives me a sad feeling.
Do you know when you are going somewhere, and you’ve waited so long, but all you can think about on the way is: This just lasts two weeks. In two weeks I will be just as miserable as I am now .
You’d say you are so happy to go away, but that’s not real happiness. I hears something very wise, coming from a rather naive character:

DOUGLAS: No, Arthur, you are cheery. No one’s interested in the secret of true cheeriness.

ARTHUR: But that’s not true. I’m fairly often just completely happy. Like, for instance, when you get into a bath quickly and it’s just the right temperature, and you go “ooooh”. I mean really no one gets any happier than that.

MARTIN: What a depressing thought.

ARTHUR: No, no, it’s not though, because those sort of things happen all the time, whereas you’re hardly ever, you know, blissfully happy with the love of your life in the moonlight, and when you are, you’re too busy worrying about it being over soon, whereas the bath moments, there’s loads of those! Oh, like when you realise your knuckles are ready for cracking.

DOUGLAS: What?

(ARTHUR cracks his knuckles. MARTIN and DOUGLAS make disgusted noises.)

ARTHUR: See, I was happy then! Oh, wait, I’ve got another one!

Now, for those of you who don’t know, this is a Cabin Pressure quote. Yes, I’m a fan of the radio series, especially for moments like these.

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