Tag Archives: happiness

Closing the year

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Before I go right ahead to making New Year’s resolutions, I want to take some time to review my 2015 and be grateful for the wonderful year I leave behind, because it’s been phenomenal and I’ve grown so much since last year.

I travelled. I’ve been both in Belgium and Holland for the first time in my life. I’ve seen so many things, I’ve taken pictures and I’ve made memories. Above all, I got to see them all with my soulmate, my best friend in the world and that tops it all.

I finished high school. I aced my final exams and got into the college I wanted. It was hard work, no doubt, but it was worth it. I had a prom to die for, I was dressed in a dress made of dreams and got one night as a princess. I even rode a limo to prom! With friends I’ve known since I was 4 years old! These last weeks of high school were probably the most precious weeks of my life so far. I’ve learned friendship and goodbyes and happiness. We laughed through our years of school and we laughed now, even if deep inside we were already missing these moments.

I got a summer job. And not just summer job. I got the one I’ve been dreaming of since I was 15, working for three weeks in southern France. It’s been the most enjoyable experience I could ever wish for. I met some of the most amazing people, whom I could never forget, I’ve spend nights on the beach admiring a star crossed sky and listening to waves mixed with laughs. I finally understood that I can be a teacher and more than this, I understood that I would be a good one. I have some unbelievable memories, the kinds I always thought would only ever appear in movies. And! I finally got to practice my French!

I’ve been on a trip with my best friends in Greece. We’ve seen sunsets and sunrises, we’ve danced until our feet were sore and we’ve laughed until our stomachs hurt. We’ve had a taste of the sweet, sweet life and indeed, you can never have too much of a good thing.

I lost and got a dog. I lost my first dog and it broke me. My little Margo died along with all my dreams of taking her on road trips, of introducing her, some day, to my kids, of loving her for more than a decade. It’s been tough and  dark period, but the universe has a tendency to pay back sorrow. Although Margo will never be replaced ( and she’s found her place in my heart and on my hand, in the form of my first tattoo ), neither will Foxy, a little pup that was send to me completely by accident, my little angel that managed to glue my heart back together.

Now, at the end of the year, I’ve been a little down, so this is me getting back on track, choosing happiness over misery. I knew that reviewing my year would definitely help, because we always tend to forget how lucky we are. We tend to let sadness and anger creep into our lives and it’s such a shame. Yes, I’ve lost a few things along the way and for a while, I let them drag be back. My dog, a friendship that turned into an acquaintance, a hope for something more. But, balancing things, it definitely turns out that I’m one lucky girl. So this is me being cheerful again. Being optimistic again. Being kind again. This is me being me again.

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Letter to a friend’s friend

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Dear friend of a friend,

you probably don’t recall this, but I do. We’ve had a little chat a while ago. While you probably went home right afterwards with your earplugs in your ears and your mind far away, I didn’t forget the things you’ve said. I didn’t  because in a matter of minutes you messed up all my principles and you took everything I believe in and mocked it with a dumb smile on your face. So I had to rethink my attitude a bit, worried that I might have been wrong all my life. Thinking that I was a fool. You looked at me, no doubt, as one looks at a naive child, who still has to learn about this cruel, cruel world he is about to step in.

You took all my friends and generalised. I hate generalisations. How dare you say everyone is bad at their chore? Oh, that’s not what you meant? You called me inferior, even if you talked it smoothly, with your foreign expressions, but, no worries, the mocking glance looks the same on everyone’s face, no matter how ‘well-bred’ they are. I don’t know what you read when you were little, I don’t know what you believe in, I don’t know what keeps you moving through your life and I don’t know about the things you dream at night. But now, you’ve made me curious, because whatever it is, I never want to have any of that. I will refuse to believe, no matter how old I will get and regardless of the tears that will try to drown me, I will refuse to believe even for one second that this world is, in its chore bad. I can’t believe. I refuse to look cynical at everyone I encounter, only because they might look at me the same way. I will defend to death the beauty of my world, because I fell in love with it before I even got here. Don’t you tell me people are perverse, because I will throw in your face a thousand struggling kids, good kids, who still get flowers for their mothers and a thousand artists, who still get inspired, every day, by the beauty of it all. I will point out for you thousands of people who stay together, every day, only because they got addicted to each other’s smiles. Don’t you tell me you’re nothing without a plan at twenty. Twenty is the age of no plans, didn’t they tell you that? Twenty is the age for love and laughs and learning, yes, but they don’t work separately, my friend’s friend. Don’t you tell me my friends will laugh at me behind my back, because you know nothing about them. What do you know about our sleepless nights and long hours discussing the stars? I bet there’s no place in your timetable for magic and what a shame that is. You have so much time to be cynical. You have so much time to be bitter, don’t waste your twenties. Don’t spend your precious time judging everyone around you, because you’ll waste it. And then, no wonder you haven’t got a second in your day to admire a flower or read a beautiful quote or merely think about how something made you feel.

You live so fast. You tried to convince me I am a majority, when I already know I’m not. You tried to convince me that the nights I spend dancing and laughing are going to damage me, but you had lost me before finishing that foolish idea, because I was already remembering that beautiful night that turned too quickly to daylight. You even tried to take my books and convince me that knowing statistics is far more useful, but by then I was already thinking that a story waits me at home, that my characters are waiting for me to define their journey.

So, my friend’s friend, the next time we meet, let’s just agree to disagree. If you want to keep your black and white perspective, by all means do, but don’t share your glasses with me, because I don’t need them. I don’t need your negativity, because my mother put flowers in my hair when I was a little girl and I’ve felt like a princess over a beautifully coloured world ever since. Call me an optimist with that dumb smile of yours and you’ll make me the biggest compliment. I won’t waste any of my time being cynical. You do that and let me be the irrational one. Let me feel too deep, let me experience more happiness and more pain than you’ll ever know. I take that, I take it with all my heart.

 

 

P.S. Next time, you should spend more time looking at the beautiful girls that were passing by, rather than argue with me. Or is that only the habit of ‘disgusting perverts’? I wouldn’t know, I’ve never denied myself the presence of beauty.

Happiness

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I was so deceived today to walk past the central square and realize that the Christmas market is closed. It’s obvious that is was closed, I just… Expected it to still be there. I’m very bad at saying goodbye to Christmas. Even undoing the tree, it gives me a sad feeling.
Do you know when you are going somewhere, and you’ve waited so long, but all you can think about on the way is: This just lasts two weeks. In two weeks I will be just as miserable as I am now .
You’d say you are so happy to go away, but that’s not real happiness. I hears something very wise, coming from a rather naive character:

DOUGLAS: No, Arthur, you are cheery. No one’s interested in the secret of true cheeriness.

ARTHUR: But that’s not true. I’m fairly often just completely happy. Like, for instance, when you get into a bath quickly and it’s just the right temperature, and you go “ooooh”. I mean really no one gets any happier than that.

MARTIN: What a depressing thought.

ARTHUR: No, no, it’s not though, because those sort of things happen all the time, whereas you’re hardly ever, you know, blissfully happy with the love of your life in the moonlight, and when you are, you’re too busy worrying about it being over soon, whereas the bath moments, there’s loads of those! Oh, like when you realise your knuckles are ready for cracking.

DOUGLAS: What?

(ARTHUR cracks his knuckles. MARTIN and DOUGLAS make disgusted noises.)

ARTHUR: See, I was happy then! Oh, wait, I’ve got another one!

Now, for those of you who don’t know, this is a Cabin Pressure quote. Yes, I’m a fan of the radio series, especially for moments like these.

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