Tag Archives: me

Who am I, after all ?

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A question I’ve had to answer for my psychology class and one that I probably shouldn’t answer myself. I don’t know who I am, not really, not yet. 

I am maybe a sum. The sum of all things I love and hate, the sum of the songs I find myself into, of the books I’ve worshipped and the paintings that moved me to tears. A sum of all the people I’ve ever met and whose traits I’ve tried to borrow, or, quite on the contrary, I’ve been mocking merciless. A sum of all the friends I’ve chosen and who stayed, but also the sum of my parents. Yes, I am mostly the sum of my parents: shy, but always determined in my actions, as dreamy as persevering, rational yet always wishful. I am a sum of the decisions I keep on taking, ever since I’ve had the power to choose and up until this day, of the opportunities I’ve had and of my luck, a sum of my destiny’s favours. A sum of the wishes that drive me, of my dreams and of my ambition, which I need to keep on growing. None of all these defines me more or less than the other. I am one ordinary human, but unique in my own way. Unique, just like everyone else.

Maybe I am a huge contradiction. A contradiction between the stars, to which I will always aspire and the earth that I am bound to. Between the optimism that characterises me and the pessimism that takes me by surprise sometimes, between the wish to fast-forward my life and catch up on all the good that I hope to find in the future and the lingering nostalgia of past memories. An infinite contradiction  between right and left, that doesn’t define only me, but rather all of us: between my mind, my thoughts, that scream at me to make sense of what I feel and my spirit, who whispers softly to stop analysing life; and who usually whispers louder than any scream.

The only thing that I am sure of is that I am always-changing: a mirror’s reflection for the strangers, who pass me by on the sidewalk; a quiet girl for those, who watch me from afar, with no intention to befriend me; a loving mother to my little puppy; the most special, beautiful and intelligent daughter they could’ve wished for to my parents; a quirky girl yet always ready to sacrifice herself for her friends. Who am I to me? I am all this girls, all these adjectives, all these words put together and bound with the thoughts that flow each second through my mind, never stopping.

I am someone. But I still need a little more time to define who this someone really is. I just need a lifetime. 

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Some thoughts..

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If there’s anything I’ve learned in my few years of life is not to be afraid of who I am. There are so few people that can really speak their mind nowadays, mostly because they are embarrassed and that is simply wrong. 

I was very shy as a child. I used to hide under the table when guests came over and pretend I was invisible, because I didn’t want to talk to them. I am shy now, as well, which is very often perceived by people as arrogance. I am not a people person, mainly because I enjoy being on my own, I like to lose time inside my own mind ( which, frankly, more people should do) and I find social chatting exhausting. However I do get lonely, and that is what my few friends are for. I will only make the first move if a person really interests me, otherwise I’m pretty quiet. My mother always told me that this is not a bad thing and I should embrace who I am, what I am, because if I don’t get myself, no one ever will, and I know she is never wrong. She goes as far as to be proud of having a rather ‘strange’ (as she puts it) kid.

I think it is important to take some time for yourself, too. Call it meditation, or thinking, or however you want, but being on your own, just discovering yourself can be extremely fascinating. There is so much that you don’t know about who you are, things that are so interesting to find out, that you should know. Just as you leave some time to meet your friends for a coffee, put some time aside to meet with your own thoughts. Wander around your mind, read books that change your perspective on the world, listen to music, analyze your dreams, do things that make you happy.There’s only one you in this entire universe, and if you don’t think that is spectacular, you are so wrong.

Because, if there’s one thing I learned is to appreciate my own self and accept and appreciate the diversity of people around me. Surround myself with other types of people, people that will challenge me, help me grow and people that will bring out the best in me. That is the only way to find happiness, in the friends that laugh with you and in your own infinite mind. 

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The end of a bad day

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I am having a very bad day, so bare with me for a while.
Do you ever have days when you just want to kill everyone around you, when you put all your effort to answer others’s questions, when every remark makes you want to kill yourself, when you hope that by hitting your head repeatedly against the desk will kill you, when nothing can make you smile?
Because I’ve been having those for about a week. And today my nerves have been stretched to maximum. I hate those imbeciles that don’t grade us based on our qualities, that popular girl everyone seems to be in love with, that person that is lucky and gets all good grades. I mean, the only one who has a more depressing life is the character in my book. And he was chosen to be a character, which is as good as things can get.
I want to be a fictional character. It would be much, much better. Why can’t Peter Pan come flying in my room? Why doesn’t the Doctor appear in his Tardis and take me away? Why can’t I solve cases with a high dysfunctional sociopath? Why can’t I kiss Jack Sparrow and then save him from the death? Why can’t I live in Barcelona and be one of Zafon’s characters?

I mean, not even Christmas songs can cheer me up, which is something.
Ugh, 3 more days until the End of the World. Hopefully.

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My relationship with libraries

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Hello, lovelies, how’s your weekend so far? I have just been to the cinema with mom ( we watched Playing for Keeps. Basically it’s worth watching for Gerard Butler. ).

So, anyways, on our way back we stopped to my favourite library. I have a serious relationship with books, okay? I am in love with books and I would love to live in a library. I love watching books, reading books and buying books that I have no time to read because I have other books to read.
As I was searching for Proust and Stendhal I couldn’t help but hear a discussion between two girls next to me.

Now, whenever I am in a library, I am torn between the warm feel I get at seeing so many books, and the stupid people I hear talking. Those conversation are sometime so stupid they make me laugh, although my heart is slowly dying inside.
So here’s what I heard:

Heyy, gurl I keep seeing this novel, this umm.. Madame Bovary thing or something?

Oh, yeah. Heard it’s famous, I don’t know. Never read it.

Yeah, me neither. I bet it’s bad.

Of course, since no one has heard of it.

Ummm…what??

I fought a serious urge not to go and make a scene. But be proud of me: I could stand still.

Any stories about stupid people, that know nothing about anything? Please share and make me feel better.

🙂

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26 November

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A day like any other to most of you, no doubt. But to me… Well it is my birthday. I couldn’t just let the day pass without acknowledging this 😀
I am turning 16 years old. Which is little, I know, but right now it seems a lot. I am probably making no sense at all … But you see the shows like ‘My super sweet sixteen’ when you are little and you think, God, those kids are so big. There is so much til then. and apparently there wasn’t. It’s here, and happily I don’t feel different. At all.

So… If anyone else is born today I found some interesting facts about this day 😊

If You Were Born Today, November 26:

Although you possess considerable common sense, you do question accepted rules. You are a seeker, yet your feet are on the ground. You want to create your own destiny, and bumps and bruises along the way simply contribute to your growth, and you know it. Your emotions are up and down, although others may not always see this until they know you well. Your nature is irrepressible, yet you manage to earn others’ respect at the same time. Famous people born today: Charles Schulz, Rich Little, Tina Turner, Natasha Bedingfield, Robert Goulet.

If you are interested you can also find more information about this day and its history on http://www.thepeoplehistory.com/november26th.html

Birthday or not, have a nice day!! ✌

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