Tag Archives: sad

Slipping

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I’ve been off, lately. You wouldn’t say, if you didn’t know me. No one really noticed much.

At school, I’m as good as ever, even more sociable than before. I have good grades, I have friends, I have teachers who like me. I do my work, I answer, I read. But I don’t feel it there anymore.

Out, I am fun to hang around it. I hear it often, because my girlfriends call me every weekend. I’m the one they like to get drunk with. I am the one they want to go out to dance with, because when I go out, I’m almost the old me again. I shout a little too loud, I’m excited a bit too much, I take way too many pictures and I laugh with all my heart. I sing along to the music, but this time around, I look at my best friend with a smile playing on my mouth and pain in my eyes. She knows. She understands. This time, the lyrics break my heart, little by little, while I try to keep dancing to the beat. It’s all fun, because it goes away for a few hours, that annoying feeling in my chest. I’m excited again, about nothing in particular, but I am. And yet… I don’t feel it there anymore.

At home, my mom got the hang of it. I am writing again and being silent again. I write and read and write and read and do homework due for the next semester till late hours in the night. I draw mindlessly, constantly listening to a band she knows too well. I smile and I sit next to her when she watches her series and I hope she doesn’t notice. But tonight she told me I should live in the present and I understood she understood. It’s the words I can’t pay attention to anymore, it’s the lingering, the staring, the waiting, the nervousness, the always talking about the same subject, the nonchalance I play so badly. It’s the constant going out, the nervous eating, the always finding something to do. The constant talking about the future or about the past, as if I’m living there.

And yet, I still count days and hope for a brighter moment in the here and now.

 

I believe in books

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I made a walk to my favourite library today, because I was feeling sad. I told you about it before, it’s a wonderful place where they sell books and movies nobody has heard about and tea.
I was searching for Never let me go. I didn’t find it. I have it on PDF, but I like reading books, better. Reading on your phone or iPad is different. You’re not so involved anymore.
I like to spend time there. It’s peaceful and there’s nice music playing in the background, and nobody bothers you. And I kept thinking, we speak of this world so much, name it hopeless. The pessimists. But how can we not believe in a world where books are still so powerful? Think that right now, some kid is writing his next novel. Stories are being created, words are being put down on white. This is not a hopeless or forgotten world. Because if there’s one thing I believe in, that’s books. And literature. You have as many lives, as books you read. Maybe the readers will slowly go extinct, but I doubt it. The power of the written word is as strong as ever and no force on this earth can corrupt it.

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Jukebox Friday

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Today I chose a song that is and has been for a long while very dear to me:

Mad World – Gary Jules

This is a song I was listening to non-stop, whenever I came home from school. I love it because, although it is a still song, it’s very deep and whoever listens to it feels it. It’s a true song, that fits societies and people all around. Most of all it is a song about routine and the sickness of it, about every day life, about everyones life. And, of course, it’s a song that defines our very, very mad world.

Lyrics:
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me, what’s my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very, very
Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world
Mad world

Read the lyrics very carefully.

Jukebox Friday

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My dearest, dearest everyone,

I carry good news 🙂
To make my blog more entertaining, and more enjoyable for you I decided to do a Friday jukebox. What does that mean? Every Friday evening I will pick a song ( song of the week/ favourite song/ songs I can’t get enough of) and post it right here.
Sounds good, right? I hope so. And because you can only understand a song by its lyrics I will post them, too.

Moreover, I will link the song to a memory/ a ship ( which, in case you don’t know, is a couple, or two persons you wish they were together. )

P.S. If you ever want to have your favourite song posted here and discussed, just post a comment below and you’ll listen to it next Friday on my blog 🙂
Now lets quit chatting and here’s my song :

It’s a weird choice, I know, but I can explain. My mother has loved George for a very veeery long time, so inevitable I know all his songs. It’s not, or better said was not, one of my favorites, Jesus to a child. Only recently I have discovered its story and the fact that it is dedicated to his lover, a man that died when George was still very young. From what I have learned, he died of HIV and the singer suffered hugely afterwards.
I couldn’t get the song out of my head or out of repeat today. It manages to transport you in a different state of mind. It’s impressive how 5 minutes manage to amaze the unimpressed.
So, listen to it carefully, give it a try, because it is worth it. It is a beautiful ode dedicated to love and death both, sang by the angelic voice of George Michael.

Tip: try to listen to it while reading the lyrics. It’s a very interesting feeling.

Lyrics:
Kindness In your eyes
I guess You heard me cry
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

I’m blessed I know
Heaven sent And Heaven stole
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

And what have I learned
From all this pain
I thought I’d never feel the same
About anyone
Or anything again

But now I know
When you find love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you on those cold, cold nights

When you’ve been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you when there’s no hope in sight

Sadness In my eyes
No one guessed
Or no one tried
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

Loveless and cold
With your last breath
You saved my soul
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

And what have I learned
From all these tears
I’ve waited for you all those years
And just when it began
He took your love away

But I still say
When you find love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you on those cold, cold nights

When you’ve been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you when there’s no hope in sight

So the words you could not say
I’ll sing them for you
And the love we would have made
I’ll make it for two

For every single memory
Has become a part of me
You will always be My love

Well I’ve been loved
So I know just what love is
And the lover that I kissed
Is always by my side

Oh the lover I still miss
Was Jesus to a child
(return to top)

The marvels of the Internet

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Oh, boy, the Internet is great. Really. I mean, of course, there’s mean stuff out there and all that. But I just found the best websites. Ever. And I need to share this with you.
Here are some places you should go when:
you are disgruntled
you need to go in a quiet place
you want to make things okay
you need a hug
just click this.
you need to calm down

Hope this helps a bit if you are having a tougher day. It made me smile for a while! See you soon!! 😊

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Sweet November, you are mine.

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Oh sweet November. Not warm, but not yet cold. Time changing, mood-swings, strangeness. A day sunny, the other rainy. No one gets you, no one loves you. It’s the month in which I was born. “So dull and dark are the November days”, a wise man one said. Was he right? Is this month loved by no one? Is it an ocean of emotions, depression and dulness this 11th month? It depresses me to think I’ve reached November. It remembers me how quickly time passes by, how quickly I change. How everyone around me is changing. But I refuse to blame this month for my stupid sadness. These 30 days should be a reason for happiness to me. I’m getting older and wiser. Christmas comes, another year passed by. When did we all get so big?

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